Practical Ways to Cope, Plan, and Heal

The holidays are often described as “the most wonderful time of the year,” but for anyone who has lost a loved one, they can also be the most painful. Traditions feel different. Decorations can bring tears. And the absence of someone you love can feel louder than any holiday music.

In a recent episode of Dialogues About Death, we explored how to navigate the holiday season with grief—offering practical, compassionate ways to cope, plan ahead, and gently heal. Whether your loss is recent or many years past, these reflections and ideas are meant to meet you where you are.

When the Holidays Hurt: Coping With the First Season Without a Loved One

The first holiday after a loss can feel overwhelming. One of the most important reminders shared in the conversation was this: there is no “right” way to grieve.

Here are several practical coping strategies that can help make the day—and the season—more manageable:

1. Create a Legacy Memory

Instead of avoiding memories, gently invite them in. This might look like:

• A special ornament placed on the tree in your loved one’s honor
• A framed photo or “legacy tree” that tells a story of your family
• A dedicated space in your home that reflects what they loved

These aren’t shrines—they’re touchpoints of love, remembrance, and continuity.

2. Engage the Senses

Scents, sounds, and visuals are powerful emotional anchors. Lighting a candle that smells like gingerbread, pine, or a favorite holiday treat can bring comfort. Music, décor, or even a familiar recipe can help transform grief into remembrance.

3. Take Quiet Moments—But Don’t Isolate

It’s okay to start Christmas morning with reflection, prayer, or a cup of coffee alone. Quiet time can be healing. But it’s also important not to withdraw completely. Let people show up for you. Allow hugs. Accept invitations, even if you leave early.

Grief doesn’t mean you must grieve alone.

4. Let Traditions Evolve

Some traditions may feel impossible at first—and that’s okay. Others may bring comfort. Give yourself permission to adapt, pause, or create something new that honors both your loved one and your current season of life.

Supporting Someone Who Is Grieving During the Holidays

If you know a neighbor, friend, or family member who is grieving, your presence matters more than your words.

What Helps:

• “I’m here. Can I give you a hug?”
• Sitting quietly and listening
• Bringing food, coffee, or a small homemade gift
• Inviting them for a short outing—like a drive to see holiday lights

What to Avoid:

• “How are you doing?” (when the answer is obvious and painful)
• Rushing their grief
• Offering platitudes meant to “fix” the pain

Sometimes the greatest gift is simply showing up—and showing up again.

Talking About Funeral Wishes: A Gift of Relief

One of the most meaningful discussions during the episode centered on pre-planning funeral wishes. While many families avoid these conversations, planning ahead is one of the greatest gifts you can give your loved ones.

Having wishes written down:

• Reduces stress and confusion during grief
• Ensures your wishes are honored
• Relieves family members from making difficult decisions
• Often saves significant financial burden over time

A gentle way to start the conversation might be:

“I’m not planning on going anywhere soon—but I love you enough to want to make this easier someday.”

The holidays, when families naturally gather and reflect, can be an ideal time to begin these conversations.

Helping Children Grieve During the Holidays

Children understand more than we often realize. When a loss occurs:

• Be honest and age-appropriate
• Avoid euphemisms that confuse (“went to sleep”)
• Allow children to attend services if they want
• Let them ask questions and express feelings freely

Never deny a child the opportunity to grieve. Saying goodbye—at their level—helps them process loss in healthy ways that last a lifetime.

Community, Resources, and Gentle Support

Grief doesn’t keep office hours, and questions often arise late at night or in quiet moments. Having access to compassionate resources—whether in person or online—can make all the difference.

Workshops, creative outlets like memorial art, support groups, and even simple community gatherings can help remind us that we’re not alone in our grief.

A Final Word

The holidays will never be the same after loss—but they can still hold meaning, warmth, and love. Grief and joy are not opposites; they often coexist. Remembering someone deeply is a reflection of how deeply they were loved.

If this season feels heavy, be gentle with yourself. Take what helps. Leave what doesn’t. And know that healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means learning how to carry love forward.

You are not alone.